Yes, team, I know disappeared for a bit there. A lot was happening in the world and for me personally! I needed to take a step back from newsletter things for a minute–but more on that in another newsletter. Thanks for sticking with me, we’re back!
Though I’m not sure who actually started it, I first heard of Girl Math through the TikTok account for ZMOnline, a morning radio show in New Zealand. The hosts of the show had uploaded videos of their recurring segment called “Girl Math,” in which they help listeners calling in to help them justify potential expensive purchases. Think $700 designer heels, $400 couture dresses, and of course, the coveted Dyson AirWrap. And all of this was done using a system called Girl Math: or, breaking down the purchase through a series of silly mathematical justifications.
The segment grew so popular it even got its own catchy little jingle to introduce it. (Plus, the hosts are a set of very charming Kiwis who I want to go have a pint or five with if I’m ever in the southern hemisphere.)
For example, a listener who wants to buy the $650 Dyson AirWrap might be told to take the $650 and divide that by the number of hairs on an average human head ($650 / 115,000 strands = $.01 per strand ), then divide that in half because the listener’s friends will likely want to borrow it sometimes to get read ($.001 per strand, a bargain!!), and again by the amount of times that the listener washes their hair each week. The result is a number that makes no sense, or even somehow helps the listener potentially earn money, and typically ended with one of the hosts shrieking with glee: “IT’S BASICALLY FREE!”
It’s weird, ridiculous, and unserious. And I became obsessed with it.
Why? Because money is fake and the economy sucks because no one in power understands actual people’s financial burdens. Because inflation has been harrowing this past year. Because thinking of money as something unserious is, honestly, kind of a relief, even when it is just a thought experiment as it is for ZMOnline.
And there’s all kinds of scoffing and eye-rolling and virtue-signaling about Girl Math online. The avocado toast eating millennials are hellbent on wasting their money or whatever! We millennials are entitled and navel-gazing losers who don’t want to work anymore but still want to buy SKIMS bodysuits and weighted blankets!
But this seems like an awfully ungenerous take. I’d argue that girl math seems like a way of reveling in the absurdity of the economy right now, the seemingly shitty decisions no matter what you do financially. If even the most frugal and debt-free among us are struggling to afford groceries, gas, and other essentials, what does financial responsibility even mean anymore? When it seems clear you’ll never surpass your parents’ financial success, or never afford a house, or afford having children, the math does indeed look different, and maybe even irrelevant.
So yeah, Girl Math this time of year can get tricky. Black Friday and Cyber Monday give us loads of deals, some better than others. But sometimes those sales feel like the only time certain kinds of clothes, or housewares, are affordable. For many, it’s the only time of year we get to feel comfortable splurging a little on ourselves (even if, as many have pointed out, we’re not getting all that much savings after all).
In other words: we’re in a shitty, shitty era within late-stage capitalism. So why not divide the cost of a eyeshadow palette ($48) in two ($24), with the amount of times I wear it every month (three times, so $8/use) over the course of two years (8/24 = $0.33 per use)? Why not let desire reign sometimes? As we millennials once used to scream at each other in the club: YOLO.
And no, I’m not saying you should go buy that Dyson AirWrap hairdryer thing and put yourself into debt for it if you can’t afford it. I’m not saying money doesn’t matter or monetary recklessness is ok. Girl Math-ing to any degree, even as a thought experiment, is a privilege not all are afforded.
What I AM saying is that Girl Math makes sense in the way that the entire past decade has made any sense: nothing seems to matter, and you feel helpless, but when you accept that, Girl Math becomes glorious and liberating.
It’s making decisions based on momentary pleasure after two to three years of our lives were robbed from us by the pandemic. It is making a silly and cursory decision when most of the decisions we all have made since 2020 have been about survival. It is joy and connection with others over something trivial after a hell of a lot of uncertainty. It’s living in the present when it’s become clear the future is not promised, or worse, just a big scam waiting to be revealed. But most of all: it can be delightfully subversive to not take money seriously when everything our generation has been told about money no longer seems to hold true.
So yes, I did buy some books on my wishlist. Because while I could break down the math for you ($19.99 / 256 pages = $.08 per page, a steal!) I really just spent the money because I could, because I wanted to, because it’s a privilege and I know it’s a miraculous sort of privilege and sometimes exercising those privileges feels like the perfect heady indulgence. And in a post-pandemic world, I want to live as Black Philip says in The Witch: deliciously.