my latest age of empires

or: how playing Civ VI allows me to be the control freak that i am

hey nervous wrecks! i’m wrapping up teaching this semester, and i need a moment to frantically finish grading catch my breath. therefore, nervous wreckage will go on a brief hiatus after this week. but fear not: i’ll be back in your inbox starting early june!

thanks for understanding, i love you all.

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Sometimes, my anxiety is really not that mysterious at all.

I know a lot of this newsletter is me trying to read between the lines for how anxiety motivates, paralyzes, and hurts myself and others, yada yada yada, but sometimes, it’s just like…really obvious.

Like my current Civilization VI obsession. Yes, the epic 2016 turn-based, immersive strategy game where you build a civilization based off of actual historical emperors/empresses with the goal of global domination; fight barbarians (which feels politically incorrect? but is it?); engage in diplomatic relations; and more.

(And yes, I’m choosing to write and publish about this the day before the new intensely-hyped Zelda game is released. And yes, this is…a choice.)

But let’s take a quick step back, shall we?

When I was a kid, I have strong memories of going to a family friend’s house and losing myself in the 1990s classic turn-based video game, Ages of Empires. I won’t dive into the subtle nuisances and differences between the two games (unless ya’ll really want me to), but I remember the satisfaction that came with building up my cities and their defenses and learning how to build an economy. The game was addictive and satisfying as hell. I didn’t fully understand it, but I knew that it scratched a mental itch I didn’t know I’d had.